Just look at him
My eyes welled up as I stood there looking at him. I never want to think of this, and I try to stuff it down whenever it comes up, but I wondered how I was ever going to go on the day he goes and jumps back into the lap of God where he came from. He’s such a magnificent beast, runs so fast and powerfully. Sits so majestic, and those dark brown eyes just bore right into your soul when he wants your attention.
Here I thought it was going to be just another grand time out fishing with Drake. I invited a couple of friends along to go after some canal bluegills after getting zilch our last outing, and we went for them after work. Of course he romped around and loved every minute of it. I casted, fished, watched Drake, casted, fished, watched him, etc…the usual.
I don’t know what it was. Maybe a combination of life things all coming together at once. I looked at him. His face is a little whiter than I remember. My dad is in his 80’s. I just turned 50. My kids either got their master’s degrees, or are just finishing up. Things are not going to remain the way you want them for ever. Drake will not be with me forever, and I need a ten foot brick wall between me and the realization that this fantastic animal will be gone one day and the sorrow I will feel will be undefinable, unspeakable.
“Just look at him”, I muttered. I called him to me for no reason, and spent the next few minutes simply petting and talking to him. “Stop it”, I said silently to myself, trying to push down irrational the feeling of loss. “He’s right here”.
I went back to fishing, trying not to let my friends see what I was going through. I hadn’t planned it, would have chosen any other time for this to happen, but it came upon me like a thunderstorm on a sunny day. It passed like a storm does…and it will be back again someday like storms do.
Tomorrow, and for as many days as I possibly can, with all my might - I’ll throw Drake his stick, play catch the ball, and take him fishing. I’m going to enjoy the sun on my face every second I can, for as long as I can.
